I am surprised how a year can change everything. Tak kisah lah dari segi apa pun. Makin lama makin takut untuk hidup yang menakutkan. The fact that people see you only in social media, tak kisah dan tak cuba untuk kenal kau as kau is actually mencabar diri ini untuk jadi diri sendiri. "Be yourself" they say-- but in their terms, be someone they want you to be, someone they THINK they want you to be.
Tapi sebab benda-benda ni aku jadi lebih aware dengan sekeliling. Yknow, mana yang kenal kau sebab benda benda luaran yang kau nak dorang kenal or mana yang kenal kau memang kenal kau even you kata bukan and somehow you agree with it.
Dan pada yang sama kau lebih selesa dengan hidup sendiri lagi-lagi dah tempuh macam-macam. Kenal pelbagai jenis manusia yang tiada akal fikiran, kau lebih selesa sendiri daripada menanggung risiko untuk disakiti.
Rimas.
I guess I figure out why I still single-- I'm enjoying my own company. Tipu lah taknak ada yang kisah, tanya dah makan ke belum, yadayadayada lama-lama you know you only need yourself and that is my major problem now. Lagi-lagi bila rasa sedih dah sebati dalam diri, the only thing that can make you okay is yourself.. Then why should you need anyone?
Ada masalah? You got your friends. Sedih? Youtube. Sing. Lonely? Ig story. Sing. Rap. Laugh. Call your friends. FaceTime them. Go to the beach. Futsal. Football. Dive. Eat. And the list goes on.
Somehow, you know there's an empty hole inside you. Maybe, just maybe you need someone that you can look up to. That you know you can hold on to whenever you couldn't do it yourself-- and still is, my problem. I can hold onto myself until taktahu bila akan jumpa someone yang I will look up to but at the same time love me as much as I love him. Maybe not now.
Everyone is not the same as people think they are.
So am I.
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| Photo By Nurin Dollah |