Whenever I see this photo, a photo after the accident-- it always gave a huge impact on me. Impact yang terlampau sampai boleh rasa kenapa bodoh sangat? Tapi macam orang kata, pengalaman mengajar kita untuk lebih baik.
Not to spill any tea, but just a reminder to all. Sebagai pengajaran hidup yang akan datang. This time I was in my practical days in KL, travel by LRT and my beloved Agumon, its quite tiring for one who is living in Shah Alam and working in KL. Nak dijadikan cerita masa ni tengah baik dengan seseorang for few years. Took care of his mum at the hospital after my practical in Serdang. Weeks after weeks, Tuhan kalau nak tunjuk tu Dia memang tunjuk betul. That time KL has public holiday and I decided to be at the hospital since he himself asked me to be there as no one is available. He came late then we decided to sleepover at the hospital to look after his mum. When he was sleeping besides his mum's bed, I was lying down on the chair then a message alert ringing-- it was his phone. Tried to unlock because I was curious seeing a familiar name.
5.01AM.
*Sorry kejutkan you pagi tadi 😠Kalau boleh taknak pun you balik.*
Hatiku.. merayu rindu kasihku padamu syahdu sorry Raihan's song is addictive. Yes. Hatiku tak terkata. Terasa berat. I read it over and over again. I remember every. Inch. Of. The. Words. He slept with that girl. When I was taking care of his mum at the hospital. I don't want to know when but pagi tadi?
Then I scrolled their whatsapp. Movie tickets.. Asking rumah sewa kosong tak.. Deciding to sleep at his or hers.. Sending locations of their home..
I can't.
I stopped.
I cried.
Silently.
Went to the toilet and burst out.
After menenangkan diri, its subuh. His mum woke up and I asked permission to go back home. His mum looking weird and he asked me the same thing.
"Lets have a breakfast before you go back." I shrinked.
Thats just it. Let the story after I keep it to myself. It was one out of many mentally abused experience I had with him. So days after I was on my way to work with my Agumon, crying and thinking I am not good enough. Never good enough for him, macam macam fikir sedih sakit sangat sampai I lost my focus then bam! Got into an accident.
An idiot. I know.
Jadi car one car one yang menyayangi diri sendiri sekalian, kalau sesiapa tak pernah menghargai akan wujudnya kau dalam dunia dia yang penuh dengan perasaan bangsat durjana, tolong bergerak cepat. Pantas. Because that kind of monster NEVER admit their faults. They trynna play the victim and makes that our fault because why? When I knew something was wrong (and it actually happening and its wrong), he watched me cry inconsolably over something he had done and he didn't even flinch. A bit. He didn't (never) attempt to apologize or even try to change even after billions, thousands of time got caught but instead, he twisted it around to be all my fault.
Belum lagi cerita I caught him cheating and sleeping with my own best friend when I let him borrowed my car-- this one is because I don't have a photograph of it 😂