I hope that I am as important at least, be important of a bit part in his life. Even a bit. I hope that at least if he ever letting me go, he would regret in his whole life. I hope that he knows I'm not that strong enough to face the shitty world all by myself. I hope he knows that he is the best thing that ever happened to me, and still is.
But I won't hope too much. Because I know it will hurt so much.
Salah kan jiwa ini. Salahkan perasaan ini. Salah kan masa keparat bajingan yang datang tak dipinta. Salah kan saat saat kebetulan yang tak sepatutnya singgah tiba tiba. Salah kan takdir yang tiada langsung menjaga hati paling rapuh. Salah kan diri sendiri yang bodoh cilaka memberi peluang tidak berdosa untuk nanti nanti. Bodoh. Bodoh. Bodoh bengap.
Ya Rabbi, apa yang layak diberi untuk hambaMu paling lemah ini? Apa yang patut dibalas untuk hambaMu yang paling berdosa ini?
I don't even understand myself anymore. Like how could I have been rejected and disappointed too many times but I still love like I've never been hurt before? Or maybe I couldn't differentiate between being nice and flirting. Between love and lust. Between go on and hold on.
Or maybe I should've known earlier that I don't deserve anything in this world.
Including you.